Saturday, 16 October 2010

A Bathtub Drama

The one benefit of being that I'm able to make things like this -

Monday, 11 October 2010


I spent about three hours contemplating society's perception of towels the other night.  Granted I wasn't in any state to command an army or drive a forklift, but it seemed like a relevant thought at the time.

I cant think of any other current uses for towels other than drying things.  I've decided to make money and end my period of unemployment by inventing towels for the 21st century.

Toaster Towel

Amazing idea.  Hang it up on the towel rack and two minutes later you have two delicious slices of lovely toast.  The only problem I see with this idea is somehow providing a current to an object which is in regular contact with water...and human flesh .  I'm sure this problem will work itself out with enough time and practice.

Towel Hat

Towels are incredibly comfy.  Many hats are not.  Replace hats with towels and we can put an end to one of the biggest problems in modern day life.  A hat made out of towels will finally solve the horrific torment everyone suffers when they try to fall asleep against a window in a bus or train.  That irritating vibration that your jumper is just too thin to save you from.  Once the towel hat is in stores, everyone will be able to sleep wherever the hell they want and god dammit they will be comfy doing so!

Ass Floss

I don't have a picture for this one because it would be horrifying.  However if it could be marketed I think it would sell incredibly well!  "Tired of an itchy arse? Sick of looking like a fool trying to sneak in a scratch? Have you just had enough of winnets? Well then purchase some brand new ass floss! Made out of a teeny towel for your taint, this invention is sure to rid any ailment in the anal region!"  Fantastic, I could see myself making millions.  Infact yes, this is what I'm going to do this week.  Invent ass floss and sell it for an obscene profit.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

I made an apple crumble today

I didn't enjoy the experience.  There is way too much weighing and cutting involved in cooking.  I'd like it if I had knives for fingers as it would just be like playing with an apple and I'd end up with lovely little apple segments to either throw at people or use as the basis for a mighty fine dessert. 

I wanted to clean the kitchen so I used disinfectant on all the surfaces.  I don't know how much is a lethal dose but I haven't told anyone I've done if they get ill they can't blame me.

That fecking neighbour is beeping his horn again!  I'm going to follow him...